Welcome to The Story Project: Faces of the 1 in 4, a series where you’ll meet women of different ages, backgrounds and stages of pregnancy loss, yet within the context of remembering that they’re all mothers. You’ll also have the opportunity to see how community has made a difference in the lives of each woman.
Today we meet Piper Noakes. She is a someone that we could write many, many words about, but today she’s sharing her story in her own words. She is passionate, loves fiercely and is a beautiful soul, inside and out. Piper has been with Gathering Hope since it’s inception, and is the mother of six children, five of whom live in Heaven. She also blogs at https://swimmingthepontchartrain.wordpress.com/.
PIPER, PLEASE INTRODUCE US TO YOUR BABIES.
My journey into motherhood started at the age of eighteen, when I became pregnant with twins. Around 8 weeks along I found out that I was going through what they call a missed miscarriage and would need a DNC. I had just confirmed the pregnancy with a doctor, then found out about the loss, then learned that there wasn’t just one baby, but two. It was such a whirlwind.
About eight months later I met my husband. After being together for a little over a year we got pregnant with our daughter, Addie. As financially ill-prepared as we were, she couldn’t have been more wanted, loved, or cherished. Sadly, Addie passed away at 32 weeks 5 days for reasons we’ll never know. She was such a beautiful girl--long fingers, chunky toes, and the most precious button nose.
My heart was so heavy and my arms so empty after Addie that we started trying again and were pregnant 6 months later--8 weeks in, another missed miscarriage. Testing showed nothing more than a healthy baby girl. Our sweet Avery. Almost a year after Avery we found out about our little man on the way. We went to what seemed like a thousand appointments and I was induced early. Charlie came into the world just shy of eight pounds, handsome beyond measure and is about to celebrate his fifth birthday. Getting to watch him grow has been my greatest blessing.
We waited until Charlie was three to start talking about a little brother or sister and got pregnant very quickly- being high risk we were monitored closely again and everything was looking amazing. With a due date of July 4th and induction date set to be mid June, we were gearing up to bring a little lady home. Yet again, for no known reason, we lost her at a mere five gestational days after Addie. Thirty-three weeks and 3 days.
It seemed (and still seems) absolutely unbelievable that we were there again. That we were in that same room, getting ready to do the same motions, and had to let her go.
We couldn’t bring her home like we did Charlie. Little Miss Viola was born with the most gorgeous hair, long fingers like her big sister and a dimple in her chin just like Charlie.
We work hard to make sure “sisters” (as Charlie likes to call them) are incorporated into our daily lives and that we visit them at least once a week. It’s certainly not the family dynamic we had imagined, and I can’t say that there are many “easy” days, but our love is so much greater than our grief.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE LEFT YOU LOOKING FOR SUPPORT? WAS THERE ANYONE WHO SUPPORTED YOU WELL? WHAT DO YOU WISH HAD BEEN AVAILABLE IN TERMS OF SUPPORT?
After Addie passed away we were supported by many people; there were cards, check-ins, flowers and food. It was such a blanket of warmth in an unbelievably cold time. Within a couple of weeks most everyone went back to their daily lives, or in my grieving mind, “moved on”. I realized I needed to find other Mommas like me, other families like ours. There were so many groups, chat boards and websites for mothers who have lost children but no one that met anywhere near me.
HOW DID YOU FIND GATHERING HOPE AND WHAT HELPED YOU DECIDE TO COME? WHAT WOULD YOU TELL A MOM WHO MAY BE HESITANT ABOUT ATTENDING A GATHERING?
Really and truly, Gathering Hope found me. One of the founders, Peyton came in to where I was working one day. I’m not quite sure what started the conversation, but before I knew it, her precious little man had a special place in my heart and my babies in hers.
I volunteered to be a Table Leader at the very first event, and can’t tell you how much I needed it. The companionship. The common thread. I had been lonely in this aspect for so long, and here I was in a room full of Mommas who knew me and understood my emotions better than anyone I had been around. As nervous as I was ahead of time, it melted away walking in. Love emanates from us, Mommas- it’s a beautiful thing when we get together.
HAVE YOU BEEN TO A QUARTERLY SOCIAL? WHAT WAS YOUR EXPERIENCE LIKE? WHAT WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO COME?
I’ve only attended one quarterly social so far (shout out to the socially anxious Moms), but I loved it and plan on going to them from here on out. We had a really great time and my crazy emotions weren’t judged one bit.
ARE YOU INVOLVED IN OUR ONLINE COMMUNITY? HOW HAS THAT IMPACTED YOUR JOURNEY OR HEALING?
Where to begin about the online community… It was the first place I went after we delivered Viola. I knew I had every single Momma there with me. I’m in tears now, when I tell you I felt each bit of love and every prayer…I have no doubt our sweet Viola did as well.
HOW HAS GATHERING HOPE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE?
Child loss can be extremely isolating, at least I know it’s felt that way for me. Friendships fizzled out, and people just seemed to disappear after Viola died. I like to chalk it up to my ‘rainy days’…some are ‘fair weather friends’, and sadly my dark days can tend to outweigh the sunny ones. Gathering Hope has helped me to understand that my emotions are valid, that there are other Mothers grieving right alongside me. I have a place to acknowledge my babies, my sadness and joy. That has been priceless for me.
WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO VOLUNTEER WITH GATHERING HOPE? HAS THAT CHANGED ANYTHING FOR YOU?
I chose to volunteer for Gathering Hope because of the genuine love and passion that poured from Peyton when she spoke about her vision for the event. I wanted to meet these other Mommas, hear about their sweet little loves, know their names. I mean it when I say it’s been one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. There’s no greater honor than getting to know you and your babies, and I’ll never be able to express my gratitude for you knowing me and mine.
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WOULD SHARE WITH A MOM WHO FINDS HERSELF AT THE BEGINNING OF HER JOURNEY?
Be gentle with yourself. Read that over again, please.
Your feelings, your pain, the numbness--it’s all valid. Your grief is valid. Remember that your mind, body, and soul are all going through something no one should ever have to.
Please don’t be afraid to speak up as to what others can do for you; be it food, cleaning, or just to stop bothering you for a bit.
Also, therapy helps. I promise. You’re worth it.
Are you one of the 1 in 4? We invite you to connect with us online in our private Facebook group as HERE. To read other installments of The Story Project, click HERE.
Photography: Judy Rodriguez Photography
Makeup: Madison King
Hair: Shannon Morgan